I recently had my feet slip right out from under me after walking on a patch of ice. While not unexpected given the winter conditions I had dressed for, it surprised me and happened very fast.
I lay there for what seemed like a few minutes, stunned and in shock. Has this ever happened to you, either literally or symbolically in your life? Something that just knocked you off your feet.
It got me thinking. We’re often told as children, “When you fall, you get back up”. There are also endless songs, motivational posters and T-shirts with a similar message.
And while this can be good advice for developing our ability to bounce back from hard times, I think there is potential to expand the moment in-between the fall and the getting back up. It’s worth exploring.
We can’t control everything
In my example, I did everything I felt I could to try to be proactive about the cold weather. I had dressed warm, I had good boots on and I was carefully watching where I was walking. In the end, sometimes things just happen.
I had a really hard time accepting this. I ruminated and ran over the scenario endless times over the next hours. Should I have done this, and what if I had done this?
Does this sound familiar? At some point, we have to accept that certain things are now in the past and there isn’t much we can do to change it now. I realized how much energy I was losing looking back, energy that would have been better spent helping my body recover!
Be present with what is happening
If you fall, feel it, notice it. This is about being here and now and asking yourself, what is actually going on? Bring awareness to what is happening or just happened. Taking yourself out of the spin but resisting the urge to rush into the next moment.
To help do this, we can ask ourselves: What just happened? And, am I okay or not? Maybe even: What, if anything, do I need?
For me this was something like: Wow that really hurt. I just fell. I feel pain in my arm. I can’t believe that just happened to me. I remember then looking around to see if I was safe (where I was laying) and then saying: I’m okay, I’m okay. But I needed help standing up again, but wasn’t ready to do that right away.
If we’ve just been in a high stress time, our nervous system has gone into high alert and we need to help calm it down. Being present and remembering where you are can help do this and to give needed perspective.
Watch out for blame – take a kinder approach
For many of us, tied into all this is some self-blame. I was very critical after I fell, and for many hours afterwards. First towards myself (I should have taken a taxi) and later towards others (the owners of that building should have better cleared that walking path).
Be aware of this creeping in. While it’s fine to acknowledge where things could be improved, avoid fixating on blame and creating new stress for yourself.
How can you bring in some kindness the next time you fall?
For me, this looked like taking it easy the next day, not overdoing it as my body was quite sore. I made time for a gentle walk and didn’t push. This was part of my self-care towards myself and in fact with this slowing down, I became aware of other areas of my body and mind that had been affected.
Learning from the pause
Thankfully nothing was injured in this last fall, except for a big bruise on my arm and some lingering soreness. And to be honest, some momentary wounding of my Canadian pride that felt this shouldn’t have happened to a seasoned “winter person”.
The next time you fall, no matter in what area of your life, take a moment to notice what has happened. Pause, breathe and take a look at where you are. This will surely help you when you are ready to take your next steps.
Lorinda Brinton 